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CLIENT SUCCESS STORIES OF MOLESTATION,SEXUAL ABUSE, INCEST AND RAPE

People come to counselling for any number of reasons.  To give you a feel for how some typical counselling relationships work, and benefit to the client, I have summarized a few examples.  

These are real stories, altered in name only to respect the privacy of the client.

I am in the process of writing stories on sexual abuse with permission from my clients. When done I have posted them. As this is a new web site, the stories are being compiled. But it gives you an idea what has already been done with clients. I have worked with over 100 clients on sexual abuse, molestation and rape.
Story 1 concerns a molestation story and recovery. 
Story 2
The client saying "I don't really know what is going on on the inside, but I know that it must be sorted out and have a life. Is this possible"? Out popped teenage sexual abuse.
Story 3
is about moving from technical to leadership and soft skills.
Story 4
is about becoming a manager.
Story 5 involves work with an entrepreneur to start up.

Story 6 concerns a relationship, a career and life coaching situation. 

Story 7 is about business coaching, burnout in an independent professional practice.


Client Story 1 - HEALING OF SEXUAL MOLESTATION

When I was eleven I was molested by my mother’s boyfriend at the time.
This memory was repressed for many years until a painful break-up with an ex-boyfriend brought it to the surface many years later. Even so, it took a long time before I came to terms with that experience and was able to forgive the perpetrator, and reclaim my personal power.

One of the most powerful healing sessions that I experienced was with Peter about two years ago. He first explained how traumas are stored in the emotional body and how these memories are triggered by certain events. I understood why unresolved emotions then affect so many other aspects of our lives.

He took me through a process whereby I was able to access the memory, re-experience it briefly, view it from a different perspective, and finally release it. In this way my inner child’s pain was acknowledged, her guilt and shame dissolved and her well being and trust restored. In effect, I was able to go back in time and recreate a different experience and outcome – one based on understanding and forgiveness. This was a deeply healing and empowering process which helped me come to terms with my sexuality and relationships – especially with men.

Normally, I would have been very reluctant to have explored these issues with a man – since a part of me still viewed men as the “perpetrators”. But I had felt so safe with Peter and so confident of his skills as a therapist, that I was able to allow the healing to take place, knowing that he would provide a safe sacred space for me. He is an extremely caring and compassionate person and facilitates healing in a very intuitive way. I am very grateful to him not only for helping me deal with this trauma, but also for restoring my trust in men by being such a fine example himself.

Candy    

NOTE: Contrary to what many women may perceive, it has been told to me many times that processing and resolving their sexual abuse by a man therapist as opposed to working with a woman therapist has been one of the most healing experiences for the Survivor. The reason being that they were abused by a man (and that is how they see men as perpetrators) and then to go through a deep personal healing experience with a man, opens their eyes and hearts to what is possible to receive from a man, and that, indeed such men do exist. Something most Survivors cant even imagine. It is beyond their radar screen. This experience is extremely healing for a women Survivor and restores their faith and trust in men in general, something a women therapist would struggle with and maybe many just cant do. Once this deep healing has been achieved, the road ahead is so much easier, rewarding and joyful with a decent man. Something that most Survivors want. The healing gets you there. Peter


Client Story 2 – I don't really know what is going on on the inside, but I know that it must be sorted out and have a life. Is this possible? During our sessions out popped teenage sexual abuse.

I didn't know which way to turn in my life.
I felt like there was nowhere to run and nowhere to hide any longer.
It was now time to confront myself and find out what was really making me tick!
 

I had Peters card and it literally fell in front of me - so I decided to make "that call". I wasn't sure why I was calling but hoped that he could assist me in solving my internal turmoil that I felt was coming to a head. I felt rather sheepish and I wasn't sure I was making any sense! He invited me to come through and have an initial meeting. WOW . . .  I have learnt so much about myself through my journey with Peter.

 I encountered sexual abuse as a teenager which had left its marks on me! Today I am married, and have a wonderful family but my pain was affecting all those I love. I was unaware how badly I had been scarred by my long forgotten past experiences. I had no idea of the impact it had left on me!! I have had to re-establish a relationship with myself because I didn't even know who I really was. Peter assisted me in reconnecting with myself in order to be fully present in my life and participate in life. I was an observer in many ways. It has opened so many amazing opportunities for me. This has been the most insightful and powerful crossroad I have had in my life and I am very thankful for all the knowledge that I have gained.

I have a new world ahead of me and I have a horizon filled with peace, joy and love. Thank you for your incredibly powerful guidance. Thank you for your patience, understanding and humour to assist me as I had to offload my emotional unrest. Again WOW... we think we know ourselves and we think that we are managing everything in our own little worlds of control and then the truth comes out and truly empowers us and sets us free.
 Thank you for enabling me to find me - my precious Self.
 

Madeline

I am now truly excited about life, what it all has to offer and what I can do now that I never saw before. Oh yeah!!!

Client Story 3 - Leadership and soft skills and overcoming a disease at the same time.

Mary is a successful senior executive programmer for a well known auditing firm. She had enjoyed steady advancement through the firms ranks, based largely on her technical ability. She desperately wanted a senior management position. She had Diabetes and it was often told to her that the senior management position and the stress would be too much for her and that they did not want to consider her for the position. They also said that her co-workers found her distant and difficult to get along with, and so exposing her to a senior management position and managing people would be very difficult for her. It might even make her illness worse. She was desperate, yet she realized that she was always in conflict with people and that her technical abilities were not going to carry her all the way. She felt trapped and angry at life. She knew that she had to develop leadership and soft skills but had no idea where to start.
CLIENT_SUCCESS_6Mary came from the technical side of the business.  With a sharp intellect and high self-confidence, she could quickly understand a situation, implement a solution and achieve the objective.  However, as she moved up the management ladder, her confrontations becoming more pronounced, she found these skills weren't enough to have the impact she wanted.  
More and more, Mary found that she needed to build the skills associated with connecting with and getting extraordinary results out of people. A task that seemed impossible to her. The disease was also starting to have more impact on her life and found that she was unable to keep up the many hours needed at times. Mary wanted to understand and master the nuances of leadership. She did not even think that diabetes could be healed or drastically pulled back.  
Early in our coaching Mary came to see that her introverted "leave me alone and I will come up with a brilliant solution" approach was doing little to empower her team and build a culture where she could leverage her skills. She also found that she could not trust easily and that relationships had always been disappointing and so she had delved solely into her work.
Through our coaching and counselling , Mary got to understand the emotional source of her diabetes and the impact it was having on her life, not only physically but her social and professional life. We initially worked with the focus of addressing and resolving the Diabetes problems. Once we had done that her sugar levels fell drastically and then we could focus on the interpersonal skills (coaching, empathy, trust building, etc.) to build far more productive and enjoyable relationships with the key members of her team, her family and her friends (in fact she even made new friends).  Over a five month period, with her diabetes almost totally under control, together with her knowledge and practice of the competencies of leadership, grew to a stage where, she was spending most of her time empowering and raising the development of her team. She also became more confident socially and was now achieving the recognition, acknowledgement she always secretly wanted.
The bottom line of our work was that Mary was offered more responsibilities and was soon offered a more senior position on condition that her health did not suffer. Mary was enjoying herself far more, and her team was being recognized more regularly. She even developed a serious relationship – something she thought was totally impossible. Her circle of friends grew as well.
An exercise program and encouragement of engaging in outside of work activities was done. Mary got involved in dancing and the theatre. Mary was able to significantly reduce her stress level, this impacted further on her diabetes and she had to drop her medication down to very low levels. And she also developed a habit of scheduling in "perspective" or quiet time to keep the big picture in focus. She found these two additions to her weekly routine to be very rewarding.
About our coaching work, Mary said.
"I am so glad that I was referred to you. Overcoming my diabetes and perspective on the world has changed my life. I found that our times together were sooo special, it was like visiting a special friend. Thank you for your wisdom and insight and Michael and I are both very happy. It was a life changing event.  Thank you again."


Client Story 4 - I want to be a Manager.

Joanne  now 33 had spent 15 years in the "rat race" and was feeling like she needed a big change. She was always content to be the worker and to live her life. She wanted fun in life. She found out that she did not quite make enough money in her life to achieve all that she wanted to do. She looked around and found that a management position would enable her to earn more but she did not have the management skills or understanding of what it all entailed. A friend had told her about coaching, and after a quick tour of the Internet, she found my web site and gave me a call.
In our first complimentary conversation, she asked many questions about management, what was involved, no one in her family had ever become a manager and she had no idea what was involved. She had not completed her commercial studies. I encouraged her to complete her studies and at the same time I would coach her about management. I asked her to think about it.
She did, and a few days later she called and told me she wanted to work with me.
CLIENT_SUCCESS_8In our first few sessions she found out why it was that she felt that she could not complete her degree and what was holding her back. We worked on that for a few sessions and she got engrossed in her degree.
Within a month of our first session she had sampled a few schooling options, made her decision and completed her degree. Our sessions stretched out over many months do mostly to studies taking up so much time. How ever we worked on the management potential within her, getting her to realise what was all involved.
We were able to spend time looking at Joanne’s values, the important areas of her life that gave her the most satisfaction.  From this she realized that she loved to work with people.  She also realized that independence and flexibility was really important to her, as she wanted to do something more fulfilling for herself. Within two months of completing her degree she was sure she wanted something in travel. She found a management position at a travel agency. Soon she was approached by a travel company and found just the management position she was looking for.
Two years into her journey Joanne felt that she was ready to become a travel consultant and got involved in one of the travel shows on TV. She felt that now she could do what she wanted, use her management skills to direct the shows and manage all the logistics. She felt confident about her ability to function well in this environment and has not looked back since. I get to see Joanne every now and again just to catch up and perhaps resolve some other issue that she wants to work on within herself. I always keep the door open for clients like this.
Of our coaching work she said;
"Peter it took someone who believed in me to encourage me to find myself and what I was capable off. Years later I am still reaping the benefit of what we have done together. Thank you for your belief in me and your support, it was invaluable, The things that you taught me were not just for the job but about life. A big thank you. I love the freedom, joy and meaning being me has brought into my life."


Client Story 5 - Entrepreneurial Start Up.

John had worked for a plumbing company for 4 years, long enough to know he did not want to have a job working for anyone but himself.
In his spare time he had been working on a new business idea that he was getting more and more excited about. After a few months of thinking it through, and bouncing the idea of some of his friends, he contacted me. His goal was to find out if this idea really had potential and, if it did, figure out how to make it a reality.
CLIENT_SUCCESS_10Over the first month we carefully evaluated the market, looking closely at his potential client base, their needs, and the potential competitors. John also built a few prototypes of his system and experimenting with them, and spent some time getting first-hand feedback from some of his clients. With a better idea of what his clients wanted, and how to best market to them, he refined his design and business plan to a stage where he was ready to raise some start up capital.
It took a few months of work in the evenings to get his pitch together and close his first funding with some investors close to his family. However, with the money committed, John was free to quit his day job and begin to work full time on his own company doing solar heating.
With some money in the bank, John was able to bring on two other employees to help him launch his first marketing campaign to the local municipality in their drive to cut back on electricity usage and harness the free power of the sun. John was a great innovator, but he really benefited from having support to implement and maintain his ideas.
Even though his product were working well they did not quiet appeal in looks. John refined that even more and each job that he did he made sure that the job was right, and suddenly he found that word of mouth was doing all the marketing for him. This initial success helped them refine their overall marketing plan and initiate an Internet outlet for his product.
Within 6 months of our first call, John was well on his way to building a very successful business, which he intents to take national over the next two years.
I still work with John, and he has told me.
"I cannot believe this is all happening for me. I can't believe how far we have come. And I know I simply would not have done this without your support and encouragement. You helped me see this was possible. You guided me through the planning. You helped me get it financed, and take the plunge. I cannot thank you enough. "


Client Story 6 - More satisfaction in his relationship, his career and life.

Richard is an engineer, an energetic 40 year old, who had lost the meaning in his life which reflected itself in his work and his relationship. He felt that he was in a rut and just running on the treadmill. He thought that the problem was his relationship, but on reflection he found out that it was his life in general and that also carried over into his relationship. He wanted to feel passionate about what he did.  He came to coaching to better identify what was going on in his life and find out why he was feeling this way. He wanted to find a better way, hone his strengths, understand his weaknesses, overcome them, and develop a greater sense of direction and purpose in his career and personal life.
CLIENT_SUCCESS_2When we started coaching, he was working for a middle sized company that didn't appreciate him. Richard was working long hours and going well out of his way to keep this business moving ahead. He felt responsible for the company and the office, he was carrying the load of the office. Management was incompetent and infighting was a common occurrence. Through his heroic efforts, the sales office was making progress, yet he was not getting the recognition or rewards he deserved. His level of satisfaction with his life was low, and at a deeper level he was beginning to sense that this was not the job for him.
In our coaching work we were able to identify the most important areas of his life, the things that made him come more fully alive.  What Richard really loved was to build and create and make a difference.  He also had a strong independent streak and really valued his freedom. He was a people person and an enthusiastic leader with high integrity.  When he cared about a project he could throw herself into it with incredible enthusiasm.  
Recognizing that in his current position she was not enjoying the freedom, creativity, and balance he needed to feel happy, and not really feeling that she was making a difference in his job, Richard began a process to find and develop a plan to transition into more satisfying work.
It took a few months to get everything lined up and make the move.  The weekly coaching calls helped to keep him focused, and moving past the various obstacles that held him in the position at his current work and concerns he faced.  But soon Richard found himself in a position he had helped create with some friends to start a build company, building residential homes. He found that his people skills worked well for him and his creativity and leadership was put to better use. Also, he was able to organize his life to fit in more regular exercise and leisure time with his friends and family.  His stress level went down, and his partner and his own level of fulfillment of the relationship went way up.
Even though our regular coaching work ended some time ago, I still keep in touch with Richard who comes around to the centre every now and again. He is moving strongly ahead with his life and career, has some great new relationships, and has managed to fit in some pretty amazing vacations. He still has regular challenges in his life, and every now and again comes back for what I call a maintenance session to address another aspect of his life, as he is growing so fast. However, with a clear sense of who he is, and what makes him happy, he is able to make great decisions that keep him on track to where he is going. 
Richards’ comments on the coaching;
"The work that we did helped me look at my life differently, overcame many of my so called belief systems, confronted them and found that they were holding me back from achieving my full potential and fun in life. It made me find out what really mattered.....you were with me as I made some of the best changes in my life.  Thanks Peter, I now know who I am, and where I am going. Thank you for the opportunity for you being available to resolve further issues as they come up. Life is just wonderful!. My wife thinks that she has a new husband."     

Client Story 7 – I feel burned out, yet I want to grow this business.. and have a life. Is this possible?

Paul was the typical independent professional.  He had worked long and hard to build up a professional practice as a financial advisor. Hi practice paid the bills nicely. He had reached the stage that he felt that he could not anymore. He was getting sick regularly and it was taking longer each time for him to recover. He had had his practice for 12 years. While his business was stable, he had lost any sense of accomplishment.  And he was having a hard time finding the satisfaction he once enjoyed.  Paul had hit a plateau, and he was having a hard time breaking through.
CLIENT_SUCCESS_4The focus of our work was to find the areas of his job he really enjoyed doing, as well as those areas that contributed the most to his success. Through our work, Paul found that he really liked working with his clients, and when he spent more time with his clients, his practice grew. But he was bogged down by the administration. Frankly he did not like admin work. So we worked to find the ways to help him delegate more of the administrative work - which he hated - and find the structure to help him get out seeing his clients more.
Looking at his strengths and weaknesses, Paul discovered that while he was very strong technically, he would benefit from developing even stronger people skills. We found that we had to find out why he was holding onto the admin work that he hated so much. We uncovered that and resolved the underlying issues. We also spent some time developing better listening, communication, trust-building and empathy skills, which helped in his business and private life.
We also spent some time getting Paul back in better physical condition and establishing better balance in his life. 
We got him to work out how much extra business he would have to generate to pay someone else to assist him and compared that to his current work load and his typical day. We found that he could maintain his working hours, but now focused on what he could do best and loves, and makes the most money for him, pays for the additional help, and gives him more satisfaction about life. He also found that he could now also take time out for himself when he wanted to.
Within a very short period of time his business had already grown sufficiently to accommodate his extra expense and his stress was much lower. Paul was more fully engaged in his work again and he was loving it. He did not feel the burn out any more.  In fact he found that his success rate was now so high that he did not have to work so hard but could work fewer hours and still make what he needed. He also felt like he was in better control of his life and was enjoying spending less time at work, and more time with his family, going to his kids sport functions, and even playing a round of golf. 
About our coaching work, Peter commented;
"WE all should have life coaches at an early age so that we can understand how much better life can be".

 

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If you are seriously considering working with a coach, please feel free to call me, I would love to talk with you, give you a free coaching demonstration, and then you can decide if there is value for you in coaching.
You can reach me at  peter@iempowerself.com  or call
27 11 478 2633 or on cell 27 82 855 4793 
My web site contains lots of information that may be of assistance to you, feel free to browse around. You will find it here http://www.iempowerself.com - - - and http://www.molestation.co.za

If the hyperlink does not work just copy the web link into your browser and it will take you to the web site.
All the best
Peter