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DISCOVERY AND WORKING WITH YOUR FEELINGS

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Feelings? What feelings? Are they in this room with us? What did you say? Huh? I didn’t quite hear you right. Mostly I have feelings with my head. I think one feeling a day is all I can handle.

We have feelings all the time, whether we’re aware of them or not. Feelings arise in response to whatever is happening in our lives. A perceived threat makes us fearful. When we feel that someone injures us, we feel hurt and angry. When we feel safe and our needs are met, we feel content. These are natural responses. We may not always have the ability to recognize and understand our feelings, but they are there. Sometimes just having and expressing feelings can seem scary to us and often we may find ourselves pushing down or numbing feelings, which is sometimes acted out unconsciously, in order to cope with life’s pace and demands and to aid us in feeling more in control. Sometimes we use things like substances or food to aid in blocking out uncomfortable and frightening feelings but sadly this often leads to indiscriminate blocking of feelings thus also suppresses and numbs good feelings in our lives too such as: joy, happiness and love for example. When we disconnect from our feelings and emotions, life often can seem to be viewed as very empty, like a void that needs to be filled in some way and these can also lead into habits of compulsive over thinking and other distractive behaviours and techniques for example.

When you were a child, your feelings of love and trust were betrayed. Your pain, rage and fear were too great for you to experience them fully and continue to function, so you suppressed your feelings in order to survive. But we all need feelings. They are useful messages from which we gain insight and the ability to make wise choices. Feelings, even painful ones, are allies, telling us what’s going on inside and, often, how to respond to the situations in our lives.

It is sometimes useful to remember that as a child one took on certain belief systems and emotions about themselves and the world and these were done in order to somehow make sense of the world through the eyes of a child however those feelings may not have been fully accurate as children often internalize unhappy events as being their fault (in some way), even at times when it had nothing to do with them. Often as adults we still carry those false or misperceptions which continue to play out on deeper and often unconscious levels within our realities until they are identified, addressed and fully dealt with. Often we fear having feelings because these tap into and trigger unhappy feelings and thoughts. But in being afraid of expressing and having feelings we rob ourselves of so much joy and living and our potentials and creativity often become stifled as a result.

 FEELINGS ARE A PACKAGE DEAL

When you open up to your feelings, you don’t get to pick and choose. They’re a package deal. One client was abused by her father over the course of many years. When she began she said she felt numb; she wanted to have feelings. After a few months she was crying through every session, crying at home, crying when she went out with friends. One day she came in, started crying, and then laughed, ‘Well, I sure got what I asked for.”

Yes. She was feeling. And the way feelings work is that you can’t feel selectively. When you decide to feel, you feel what there is to feel and an opportunity presents itself to complete any unfinished cycles and to redress old outmoded belief systems and to fully move through the uncomfortable feelings of the past which possibly at the time was too much to cope with as a child, but as an adult things are different. For this woman, there was a great deal of pain and sadness, and after that, a lot of anger. And some fear. But slipped in among these difficult feelings were pride, hope, pleasure, self-respect, and a growing contentment.

To feel, you have to be open to the full spectrum of feelings and with this the excitement and unpredictability of life and what it means to be a living and feeling expression. To feel is to be alive.

The more you can accept your feelings without judgment, the easier it will be for you to experience them, work with them, and learn from them, without needing to suppress them or carry them around with you as extra luggage day in and day out, how much of your energy is that costing you and how much of your life is being robbed because of it?

GETTING IN TOUCH WITH FEELINGS

You feel in your body
Getting in touch with feelings requires that you live inside your body and pay attention to the sensations that are there. Feelings are just that – things that you feel in your body: tightening in your throat, trembling, clutching in your stomach, shortness of breath, moistness behind your eyes, moistness between your legs, warmth in your chest, tingling in your hands, fullness in your heart. For most people feelings is what drives you. It can give you great pleasure or give you great sadness. Or the desire to feel that you are loved makes many people do many things, some times silly things.
Many people have committed the most heinous crimes over the feeling of love. Many have also had the most wondrous life using their feelings to guide them in life. Feelings are just wonderful.

If you have ignored your body for a long time, tuning in to these sensations may seem strange and unfamiliar. Or you may be able to objectively report the sensations you feel in your body but not know what they mean.

When children are very small they don’t have the conceptual ability to say “I feel scared.” They say, “I feel yucky in my stomach.” When adults give that sensation a name, the child learns to connect the feeling with the emotion.

If no one paid attention to what you felt when you were young or growing up and you where never taught and therefore you never learned to name your feelings, you will be starting at the beginning, teaching yourself to read the messages your body gives you and can assist along the exciting path of self discovery. This is easier said than done. It is an art to know ones feeling really well but can be mastered over time.  There are a couple of tricks to follow.

Pay attention
Some people get lost in their feelings and this can be overwhelming and make life feel a little more difficult to cope with, especially if new behaviours or ways of seeing the world are not adopted. Sometimes when one has kept their feelings under lock and key for a long time, when the feelings are first allowed to express again, they can seem overwhelming or more intense for a while but may then balance out more over time, once they have been given the time and space to express in some way. In such instances writing for example can be a useful tool in assisting one to move through and release old unexpressed emotions for example. Getting to know your feelings is part of getting to know yourself as a unique person for you are unique in the world and have a right for expression and this includes expressing your emotions. Very often we are left feeling that we don’t have a right to have feelings because of past experiences and perceived peoples reactions to us and our feelings, if we buy into this belief, we buy into isolation and isolate a very important aspect of ourselves. We all have a right to our feelings, dignity and respect.

Many survivors have spent their lives racing to stay just one step ahead of their feelings. Slow down enough to ask yourself, “How do I feel?” Try and feel it in the body, it is your greatest learning instrument and is your own personal compass.  Whenever you notice your self gliding on automatic pilot, stop and check in with your body and allow yourself time to come into the present moment and FEEL.


Are you in your body?
What sensations are going on?
Try and describe these sensations? Do these sensations have a colour or a shape?
What might those sensations be telling you?
Where in the body do you feel this feeling? (this is a great indicator for you as it will give you a clue as to what is going on with you psychologically) More on that later.

Pay attention to your behaviour also. If you are acting inappropriately, slamming around the kitchen or crying at something small, you may be having a feeling you haven’t yet acknowledged. Explore this feeling, it will teach you many things and is yet another opportunity which is presenting itself to you, one which bares personal gifts of insights and understanding into yourself and your life. These are the gifts from heaven just for you – because you are so unique and special.

If you have habitually covered or smothered your feelings, this “masking or numbing” may take place so quickly and automatically that you don’t even have a chance to feel the initial emotion before pushing it down again. When you begin to feel happy, you can often slide into anxiety due to un-dealt with emotions or beliefs systems around happiness and thinking or feeling for example that you are not worthy of happiness or out of fear that something could go wrong and take away the happiness etc. When you’re angry, often you may turn the anger inwards and back on yourself and may feel that you immediately hate yourself. These patterns are different for everyone, but if you are overwhelmed by states such as depression, confusion, or guilt, there’s probably a specific emotion, triggered by a specific event, underneath which may need to be explored to assist one in moving past those limiting patterns.

Sometimes it’s a thought patterns that intercedes when you start to feel something. If you catch yourself in an old pattern/ time of thinking that makes you feel bad about yourself, it probably has a feeling underneath. It pays huge dividends when you can articulate these feelings and follow the sequence. They hold great treasure for you in your healing process. Thoughts like “I’ll never change” or “People don’t like me” usually indicate buried feelings. As a child you couldn’t afford to say “I hate my father; I want to kill him.” Many survivors for example in sexual abuse,  turn unwanted feelings onto the self and so you hated yourself instead, finding a hundred reasons why you were bad, why the abuse was your fault. You were looking for it. You play this tape over and over again in your mind. By this time it’s like a rut on an unpaved road. Hundreds of cars drive on a dirt road. Each car travels the same path, until it becomes automatic for the tires to follow the tracks. The same is true for thoughts. If you’ve had a lifetime of practice diverting the first glimmer of anger into “I’m bad,” you need to explore the feelings underneath that habit, consciously changing the track. It is essential to understand that the path of your feeling thought pattern began totally unconsciously and what you are doing in the process of undoing this thought feeling pattern is to discover how it worked for you whilst bringing the thought pattern into conscious awareness so as to free yourself from the invisible jail it has kept you captive in, one that has long passed its sell by date. Then one liberates and sets oneself, their thoughts and feelings free and find deeper happiness and contentment within.

HONOURING FEELINGS

When you first become aware of the simple, pure emotions that move through you, all you have to do is be aware: “I’m feeling a feeling.” If you’re sad, let yourself feel sad without worrying, without panicking, without needing to take any action. It’s okay just to feel sad. In fact this is what you are supposed to do. You are supposed to feel. Your feelings aren’t dangerous and you cant get sick from them. Most people find that once they get started, feeling isn’t as bad as they feared it would be.

Feelings exist in and of themselves, but when you’re not used to them, having an emotion you can’t tie to a concrete event can be frightening.

It is reassuring to understand why you feel a certain way or where that feeling originates, but that’s not always possible. Even if you don’t figure it out, the feeling still counts.
Valuing and believing your feelings takes time. But eventually you will stop seeing feelings as something separate from yourself.

It’s the nature of feelings to ebb and flow, to change. You can be furious one hour, sad the next, full of love an hour later. Pain turns into rage, and rage into relief. If feelings are not jammed up, they shift with a natural rhythm that matches your experience in the world. Paradoxically, the best way to get rid of a feeling is to feel it fully. When you accept and express a feeling, it often transforms.

It is like a fire hose. When it’s plugged up, the internal pressure is explosive; water bursts froth in a torrent. But when the water is flowing and the pressure is even, the water rushes steadily out through the hose and does its job.

When you’re working with long-denied feelings, the transitions won’t happen as quickly as they will with contemporary feelings, but all feelings, once released, eventually change.

Get support for your feelings

If your feelings were denied or criticized in childhood, it may take a while before you feel safe enough to express you feelings. Many women first experience this safety with a counselor.

Being with people who respect your feelings and who are in touch with their own can also speed the learning process. Through feedback, example, and tenderness, you can learn to connect with your own emotions.

Although it’s good to have loving, supportive people around when you start to connect with your feelings, over time you’ll feel safe enough to open up by yourself. In your mind or out loud you can tell yourself the comforting things others have told you: “it’s okay to cry.” “You have a right to your anger.” By calling on the part of yourself that is able to nurture you, to stand up for you, you provide a wise and kind mother/ father for the frightened, hurt, or angry child within. You can stroke your own hair, rock yourself in a rocker, make yourself a cup of warm milk and honey, or set out pillows to punch. You become your own catalyst, midwife, permission-giver. 

Communicating your feelings

Once you start to feel your feelings, you still may have a hard time expressing them.

There’s no single way to show emotion. Everyone has her/ their own individual style. But it’s important to be able to express what you feel in a way that’s satisfying and that communicates.

Certain ways of communicating feelings increase the likelihood that you will be heard. If you say, “I’m upset. (It is imperative that you use the word “I” in stating how you feel. That way you enable others to take cognisance of your feelings and can then do something about it. But when you start off say you make me feel so and so, then you are blaming others for how you are feeling. This creates conflict.) When you are late and you haven’t called, I worry. Please call me next time,” you’ll probably get a better response than if you say, “You’re the most thoughtless person I’ve ever met. You never care about my feelings.” There is a huge difference in the approach between the two and the results are often astounding to the survivor to realise.

Timing is important too. If you have something to say that’s important or vulnerable, don’t undermine yourself by picking a time that is not conducive to real listening. Give yourself – and your friend-the benefit of a fair start.

Comment from a client
Dear Peter
I also wanted to mention that one of the biggest patterns of late that I personally have become aware of is that often someone who has been through sexual abuse etc often turn all anger inward, it becomes displaced anger onto the self and then anything that goes wrong in their life after that from then onwards, and even when someone treats you badly or lets you down automatically the “natural response” is to blame the self and turn the anger inward, beat up on the self and take full responsibility for all that transpired, even when it has nothing to do with you! You don’t see that, you automatically think its your fault! So maybe to add or highlight this fact in your emotions document… the fact that Survivors often turn all their anger inward and then that energy has to dispel/ release in some way and that is often when self punishment or self mutilation comes in and even depression… and for Survivors to begin to become more aware of their own thought processes and when they are stepping into self critism and judgement due to displaced anger!!! Often its easier to blame the self than someone else ie: the perpetrator for example a parent (or adults, who from a child’s perspective cannot be wrong as being an adult means being wise etc etc). Its too much for a little child to take in that their parent who is supposed to protect them, actually hurt them so deeply so they take it on as being their own fault as this reality is an easier one to cope with than their whole world/ reality of safety being shattered cue to a parent or adult having violated them and their space… this pattern of self blame (that Survivors often fall into) for things then becomes an automatic and unconscious process which takes place often unconsciously and generalises into all areas of the Survivors life to the point that things that don’t have anything to do with them is taken on as their fault and feel guilty and “bad” and a failure in all they do, thinking they cannot do a thing right, that everything they attempt is doomed to failure thus self esteem keeps going down more and more and they also create their own self fulfilling prophecy, attracting difficult situations into their space ongoing thus wearing them out and making them feel just exhausted and depleted at the thought of life and living, as its literally a living hell experience… and one begins to trust life less and less and wishes to withdraw more and more ie: depression and possible suicide tendencies for example etc etc. because you think what’s the point to it all, its just going to be “wrong” in the long run anyway and maybe life/ the world is better without me and my “bad” influence.

Anyway just wanted to mention the above in case you wanted to add it into your emotions document also… I feel its actually really important for a survivor to become aware of the tendency to turn the blame and anger inwards, as I think this has been one of my biggest patterns which has made me unbelievably unhappy and sad and disheartened about life and the world… life just is so much harder when you burden and blame yourself for everything going wrong in life!!! But it’s a prison you can’t seem to get out of because you don’t even know what the prison is or where it stems from but you just feel overwhelmed and trigger into overwhelm and self criticism all the time and can’t understand why (and then others say to you that you are too sensitive, but actually you are overwhelmed and thus trigger into emotions and sadness etc much easier because you system is nearly in a constant overwhelm state and keeps re-triggering at the slightest thing because the slightest things just adds to the underlying monster of feeling a failure, not good enough, bad, depressed, sad, guilty etc etc. All you know is that you feel shit all the time, guilty and a bad person but you can’t often pinpoint why! To now see this for myself has been sooo freeing and daily life is feeling so much easier, I feel humbled and blessed that Spirit has assisted me in this deep awareness and healing and those processes I did with you have been life changing too… I can just feel that “being here” on the earth plane and in the present is coming easier without the same level of resistance as before…

Thanks again for everything,
Will email soon again,
Love M……..

Developing discernment

In an ideal world, you could express your real feelings anywhere, any time. Since we don’t live in such a world, you need to make a balanced decision each time you consider whether to express your feelings. Balanced decisions take into account feelings, intellect, and judgment.

Getting angry at a police officer who pulls you over for a ticket isn’t strategically sound. If you want to be intimate with someone, you have to express your feelings. But not all relationships are intimate.

You are entitled to your feelings and discern in which situations these are appropriate to express, sometimes speaking with people who may understand or share similar views for example can be a starting point to learn to gain confidence in expressing your feelings more. Sometimes someone may not like what you have to say, and this does not make your feelings “wrong”, despite different reactions from different people. Each feeling has a right to be and to express, where and how that happens may need practice and “fine-tuning” and like any skill takes time to learn or master. Be patient and kind with yourself through the process.

Emotional release work

Recognizing and expressing contemporary feelings is often easier than getting in tough with buried feelings from childhood. Yet part of the healing process entails going back and feeling those feelings in order to help one with unblocking and clearing that which holds them back and gain new insights and perspectives and thus setting oneself free through letting go of old beliefs and feelings which no longer serve.

One useful tool for clearing out old feelings is emotional release work. Because memories and feelings are stored in the body, working through feelings physically can provide a powerful adjunct to talking.  With proper safeguards and a responsible helping person to support you, emotional release work is a powerful and active way to get rid of emotional baggage.

Some therapies such as bioenergetics, re-birthing, primal therapy, and psychodrama include cathartic emotional release. Because this kind of work is active and intense (and sometimes takes people back in time to the original abuse), it is important to have the supervision of an experienced support person who is comfortable with the expression of deep pain.

Emotional release exercises

For anger: With a support person present, take a tennis racket and whack it against a mattress or piled-up cushions. Use sound and words if you feel them. Let them out. You can start with your full strength or start easy and work up to it. The support person can encourage you and cheer you on, as well as talk over your feelings with you afterward.

For grief: If you feel like crying but are stuck, allow your breath to help you connect your feelings with their expression. Exaggerate the breathing pattern-for example, long exhales, shaky inhales, adding sounds if you can. If tears do not come, it’s still okay. Notice the feelings, thoughts, and sensations you do have.

For tension: Use your body. Wrestle with a friend. Chop wood. Swim.

Fear of feeling

Many survivors fear that if they open up their feelings, they’ll suddenly go out of control.

Although you may indeed be very angry or very sad for a long time, those feelings don’t have to be overwhelming or journeyed alone.

When you’ve repressed feelings for long time, it’s natural to be wary. But just because you have strong feelings doesn’t mean you’ll be unable to control yourself. Pounding pillows furiously does not mean you’ve gone berserk. In fact, actively expressing intense feelings in a safe, structured way makes it less likely that you’ll explode. Very few murderers kill their victims after coming out of a pillow-pounding session with their counselor or support group.

Controlling abusive anger

If you find yourself slapping your children, yelling at your co-workers, furious at your partner for the small trespasses of daily life, you’re probably misdirecting your anger. Although it may be anger triggered in the present that is appropriate to the current situation, you may also be tapping into the well of old rage from childhood. When the two blur, you tend to react in ways that are out of proportion to what’s going on now.

As soon as you become aware that your feelings do not fit the present, take a break. Excuse yourself from the situation and try to separate the old from the new. If this is difficult, it will help to do some emotional release work so you have the opportunity to express your old rage in an active and focused way. (This is true of other feelings as well, such as feeling rejected, abandoned, or hurt.)

Violence is a way to assert power over others. It’s effective in the short run but at too great a cost. You cannot heal from the effects of child sexual abuse while continuing to perpetrate abuse on others. If you’re in a situation where you are battering or being battered, or if you find yourself repeatedly fighting or in dangerous situations, you need to stop now and get help from a supportive counsellor.

Panic and panic attacks

Panic is what you feel when you get scared by your own emotions and don’t have the skills to calm yourself down. Or when you’re trying like mad to suppress feelings or memories. Although panic sometimes seems to come out of the blue, there is always a trigger. Often it is a reminder of your abuse that you aren’t consciously aware of. Through therapy and support within a counselling setting, one can work with and move through frightening feelings. This is nothing to be ashamed of, remember every feeling has its place and has a right to be expressed, its how one chooses to express and resolve the unwanted emotions that will determine the quality of ones life and in the future. By allowing unresolved and frightening feelings to emerge and through actively working through these in safe and nurturing environments, one is able to further empower themselves by resolving internal conflicts. Through the therapy process, and by honouring the space, time and process of therapy for example, one often opens up to deep levels of compassion for themselves and others through the understandings one gains through the process.

A client panicked whenever she stopped at a red light. The feeling of being boxed in and unable to move reminded her of the trapped feeling she had when she was being molested.

In a panic attack you are usually not aware of these connections. You simply feel out of control and sometimes “irrational” feelings of dying can accompany the panic. Your heart is racing, your body feels as if it’s going to explode, you want to run and sometimes feel shaky on the inside for example too. Even your vision may change. You fear you’re going crazy. And not understanding what is going on only makes things worse.

If you start to feel panicky, breathe. Sit with the feeling. Often people think they have to do something quickly to get away from the scared feeling, but this frenzy to escape can escalate your fear rather than relieve it. Don’t rush into action. Instead, reassure yourself that this is just a feeling, powerful though it may be. In those moments saying a phrase to yourself like: “this too will pass” or “I am safe” can assist in helping one to calm down in the short term. For long term lasting affects one can choose to engage in trauma therapy to release old trauma’s which may have gotten “stuck” or “frozen” in the body and to move through unresolved emotions for example, thus less likely to trigger into overwhelm or panic attacks once the underlying issues have been addressed.

Acting out of panic makes for poor choices. Putting your hand through a glass window, driving too fast, screaming at your boss, can have long-term negative consequences. This kind of behaviour is subject to the law of cause and effect. There are always consequences to what you caused. Learn to work with this law rather than against it. Going against it just ends up costing you more and more.

You need to call on your judgment (what you know to be true when you’re not scared) to guide you. Expressing feelings when you’re extremely frightened can free you from that fear, but only if you’re in a setting that’s safe. A therapy group is a good place to get in touch with deeply buried feelings. Driving home isn’t. You could probably drive safely while feeling some sadness or even yelling into the night, but not if you’re reliving the terror of being raped. If you decide it isn’t a good time to express or act on your feelings, take steps to calm yourself down and find ways of allowing yourself the time and space to work through the feelings in a safe and supportive environment.

Calming down

The most effective way to deal with panic is to catch it early. Once the panic spirals out of control, it’s more difficult to stop, but at least you can keep yourself focused in a positive direction so you don’t hurt yourself or others.

The important thing in calming down is to do whatever works for you, even if it seems silly or embarrassing. Through trial and error, you can develop a list of things that help. Try including comfort for as many of the senses as possible (feeling, hearing, sight, taste, smell). Actually write a list and keep it handy. You don’t think as clearly or creatively when you’re in a panic. If it’s all written out, you only have to pick up you list, start at the top, and work your way down.
A simple list could look like this:

Things to do when I’m desperate

  • Breathe
  • Get my teddy bear
  • Put on a relaxation tape
  • Get in my rocking chair
  • Call a specific friend
  • Call another friend if first is not available. Keep calling down my list of support people. (Put their names and numbers down on a piece of paper.)
  • Stroke the cat
  • Take a hot bath
  • Write a hundred times: “I’m safe. I love myself. Others love me,” or “It’s safe for me to relax now.”
  • Run around the block three times
  • Listen to soothing music
  • Pray
  • Breathe
  • Yell into my pillow
  • Watch an old movie or TV or read a mystery novel
  • Eat macaroni and cheese
  • Start again at the top

 

Your list will be different, but number 1 on everybody’s list should be breathing. Counting breaths or focusing on breathing in and out is a good way to calm down. Try breathing out for twice as long as you breathe in. With less oxygen flooding your system, you naturally calm down.

Create a safe spot

It’s a good idea to create a safe spot in your house, a place you can go when you’re scared. A altar often creates that space for you. Just by making it, it will touch you deeply and it usually creates that safe space for you.  Make an agreement with yourself that as long as you’re in that spot, you won’t hurt yourself or anyone else-you’ll be safe. And make an agreement that if you start to feel out of control and afraid of what you might do, you’ll go to that spot and stay there, breathing one breath at a time until the feeling passes.

Your safe spot might be a window seat on the stairway, your bed, or a favourite reading chair. Or it might be a hiding place where no one can find you. One women spent the night sleeping in her closet on top of her shoes, something she’d done as a small child to comfort herself in a house where no place was safe. In her case it was a re-enactment of a process that made her safe as a young child.

Take your own nurturing seriously, no matter how odd it may look. You are not crazy, it is only your emotions that have a tight grip on you. When all else fails, head to bed with your teddy bear and a baby bottle full of warm milk.

Change your environment

Consciously changing your environment can sometimes snap you out of panic. Going into a public place such as a mall can do this for you, for others this may not be what they need, they might want to be out in nature in the open spaces. Bottom line follow your gut feel that is telling you on the inside. Relief is there. This can be as simple as leaving your bedroom and walking into the kitchen to make tea. Or you can leave your house and take a walk down the block. If you’re out in nature, looking up at the stars or trees can give you a sense of perspective.

Sometimes the things that upset you are sensory reminders of the past such as abuse. The smell of certain cologne, the tone of someone’s voice, the sound of corduroy rubbing together, can trigger real anxiety. All of these things are subconscious reminders that are triggered within you.

By becoming aware of these cues, you will be better equipped to take care of yourself when you encounter them and will be able to take appropriate action which will support you and nurture you.

Reach out

Sometimes it’s hardest to reach out when you need it the most, but give yourself a loving push to break out of your isolation. If you’re with a trustworthy person, you can ask for a hug or to be held. If you’re alone, call someone. It’s a good idea to arrange this beforehand. When you’re in that panicky place, you sometimes feel alienated, unsure why anyone would want to know you, let alone help you. If you’re in a support group or in therapy, arrange to call a group member or your therapist. Make a contract with a friend that you’ll call each other when you’re in need. This may be the last thing you feel  like doing, but remind yourself that you made the agreement for just this kind of circumstance, that it really is a good idea (even if you can’t remember why), and then pick up the phone and dial. Many times it is just the hardest thing to do for the fear that someone may just reject you or say to you that you are crazy, needy etc.

Some things to avoid

Almost anything that works is fair game in dealing with panic, but there are a few things you should avoid.

  • Don’t enter stressful or dangerous situations
  • Stay off the road
  • Don’t drink or abuse drugs or alcohol
  • Avoid making important decisions
  • Don’t hurt yourself or anyone else

 

After you come down

When you’re on the other side of an attack of panic, self-hatred, or despair, relax and rest a bit. Such emotional intensity is exhausting and you need to replenish your energy. When you feel balanced again, try to determine what triggered it.

  • What was the last thing you remember before you felt overwhelmed?
  • Where were you? Who were you with?
  • Was there anything disturbing that happened to you in the last day or two? (An upset at work? With a friend? A lover? Did you get a disturbing phone call? Piece of mail?)
  • Was there a glimmer of any other kind of feeling before you lost touch with yourself? Is this something you’ve felt before?
  • Are you under any unusual stresses? Time pressures? Money pressures?
  • Were there thoughts in your mind that you quickly pushed away because they were uncomfortable? Were they old, familiar ones?
  • Do any of these things remind you of your abuse in any way?

 

Sometimes questions like these can help you find the roots. It may take a series of episodes with similar dynamics before you are able to pinpoint the source, but it’s worth the work. This kind of analysis can help you avoid getting swept up in the same cycle the next time.

Positive feelings can be scary too

Over time, your positive feelings will increase. Happiness, excitement, satisfaction, love, security, and hope will appear more frequently. Although these are “good” feelings, you may not be comfortable with them at first.

For many survivors, positive feelings are scary also. As a child, happiness often signalled a disaster about to occur. If you were playing with your friends when your uncle called you in and molested you, if you were sleeping peacefully when your father abused you, if you were having Sunday dinner at your grandparents’ when you were taken by surprise and humiliated, you learned that happiness was not to be trusted. Or if you pretended to be happy when you were suffering inside, happiness may feel like a sham to you still.

Even the idea that you might, at some time, feel good can be threatening. One woman said she dared not hope. As a child she hoped day after day that her father might come home cheerful, might be nice to her, might stop abusing her. And day after day, she was disappointed. Finally, out of self-preservation, she gave up hope. She told herself that life is unsafe. This became here belief system and she acted out of this belief system for the rest of her life until we “dealt” with it.

Sometimes peacefulness and contentment are the most disconcerting feelings of all. Calm may be so totally unfamiliar that you don’t know how to relax and enjoy it. Unexpected good feelings can be hard to come to terms with. Often what happens when this is a wounding of yours, is that most people find things to do, or subconsciously create drama around them so that they can say to them selves “you see it is true you cant trust these positive feelings.

Learning to tolerate feeling good is one of the nicest parts of healing. Once you get started, you may find that you want to do it a lot. Take all the opportunities that come your way. A quiet moment drinking tea in the morning. Reading your child a bedtime story. A totally engrossing movie. A call from a friend just to say hello. An omelette that turned out perfect. Notice these things. Take the risk of admitting that you feel good-first for a moment, then for longer.

Being liked, loved, and appreciated has felt threatening for many survivors. Visibility is a kind of exposure. Appreciation can bring up feelings of shame. The contrast between someone’s high opinion of you and your own self-hatred can be wrenching. And feeling positive about yourself-feeling worthy, deserving, and proud-may seem fantastically out of reach. But again, these feelings are so pleasant that you’ll find it’s worth getting used to them.

When someone pays you a compliment, try saying “Thank you” instead of immediately rattling off a list of your faults. If you receive a present, say “This makes me feel really good.” If you get a raise, say “I like being acknowledged for my work.”

Although you’ve experienced a lot of pain in your life, you have a multitude of opportunities for experiencing wonderful feelings as well. Take them. You deserve to feel good and you are worth it.

Positive affirmations and the feelings barometer

Some positive affirmations which many people who are struggling with this problem often find useful to work with:

  • I am only responsible for how I feel. I am entitled to my own feelings.
  • I am not responsible for how others feel. They are fully responsible for their or own feelings and reactions and it is not my job to make it better for them nor am I going to try and protect them from it.
  • My feelings are real to me as is any part of my body and therefore I will fully acknowledge and honour them.
  • My feelings are my inner guidance system and I honour and respect them. They are invaluable to me.
  • As I grow more and more, I learn to read, understand and use my feelings as my inner guidance system.
  • My feelings library will enable me to fully develop my intuition to the fullest extent.
  • I understand that my feelings are there to protect and guide me. They are safe and friends.
  • In this moment I have everything I need.
  • In this moment I am exactly where I need to be and Spirit takes me to where I need to go.
  • I am complete, healthy and whole.
  • This too will pass.
  • I am strong enough to see this through to completion and in this moment I have everything that I need.
  • I acknowledge my feelings and I am entitled to feel what I feel and allow the emotion to be acknowledged and move through me, and then let it go and choose not to remain stuck within an emotion.
  • I am free.
  • I move forward with freedom and grace.
  • I surrender all to Spirit and let go of trying to control or manage life, myself and others.
  • I choose to create a new reality out of love and not out of fear.
  • I choose my own walk and destiny and future.
  • I choose to take personal responsibility for myself and my own walk and let others walk their own journey for themselves in freedom and in grace.
  • I am safe and protected at all times through the grace of Spirit and the beings of the light.
  • I choose to take personal responsibility for my own happiness and walk.
  • I choose to fully engage in life and move through its various cycles with strength knowing that each moment is another opportunity for growth and appreciation of life and expression.
  • I choose to learn my life lessons with grace and ease and give thanks for the privilege of being incarnated and able to be schooled whilst engaging in the earth plane experience.
  • I choose soul growth and I choose to learn my lessons and gain the wisdoms I set out to master.
  • I choose happiness.
  • I choose joy.
  • I am an expression of love and peace.
  • I am love.
  • I am peace.
  • I am a vessel for love and peace.

 

Feelings I Experience Diary – this is a good way for you to start feeling – to start learning about feelings

Please copy the following table and print. Every day when you have a bit of time for yourself, just circle one of the feelings below that best reflect how you are feeling today or now. This will develop within you, a good understanding of your own feelings and what they feel like. This process helps you to connect what is going on in your body with naming a feeling. It is like learning your own feeling dictionary.

(Every day in your Stress Diary, note where in your body and when and why you experience any of the feelings listed below) Doing this is invaluable for you in building your own feeling library.

Start with feelings that are generally easy to understand such as these.
Happy    Sad    Joy    Shame    Scared    Frightened    Nervous    Worried    Excited    Disappointment    Hurt    Ashamed    Glad    Good    Embarrassed    Bad    Unhappy    Anger

The next level of feelings requires a bit more of an advanced feeling knowledge in building your feeling dictionary. Practice these feelings more and more and when you feel that you are proficient at it them you can move on to the next level. Please remember that this is not a race, take your time, it is a whole new world out there waiting for you. Best get to know the feelings dictionary very well – you will never look back.

Positive Feelings

Intense

loved, adored, idolized, alive, wanted, lustful, worthy, pity, respected, empathy, awed, enthusiastic, zealous, courageous

Strong

enchanted, ardor, infatuated, tender, vibrant, independent, capable, happy , proud, gratified, worthy, sympathetic, important, concerned, appreciated, consoled, delighted, eager, optimistic, joyful, courage, hopeful, valiant, brave, brilliant

Moderate

liked, cared for, esteemed, affectionate, fond, excited, patient, strong, gay, inspired, anticipating, amused, yearning, popular, peaceful, appealing, determined, pleased, excited, jolly, relieved, glad, adventurous, peaceful, intelligent

Mild

friendly, regarded, benevolent, wide awake, at-ease, relaxed, comfortable, content, keen, amazed, alert, sure, attractive, approved, untroubled, graceful, turned on, warm, amused, daring, comfortable, smart, interested

Negative Feelings

Mild

unpopular, listless, moody, lethargic, gloomy, dismal, discontented, tired, indifferent, unsure, impatient, dependent, unimportant, regretful, bashful, puzzled, self-conscious, edgy, upset, reluctant, timid, mixed-up, sullen, provoked

Moderate

suspicious, envious, enmity, aversion, dejected, unhappy, bored, forlorn, disappointed, wearied, inadequate, ineffectual, helpless, resigned, apathetic, shy, uncomfortable, baffled, confused, nervous, tempted, tense, worried, perplexed, troubled, disdainful, contemptuous, alarmed, annoyed, provoked

Strong

disgusted, resentful, bitter, detested, fed-up, frustrated, sad, depressed, sick, dissatisfied, fatigued, worn-out, useless, weak, hopeless, forlorn, rejected, guilty, embarrassed, inhibited, bewildered, frightened, anxious, dismayed, apprehensive, disturbed, antagonistic, vengeful, indignant, mad, torn, my fault

Intense

hate, unloved, abhor, despised, angry, hurt, miserable, pain, lonely, cynical, worthless, impotent, futile, accursed, abandoned, estranged, degraded, humiliated, shocked, panicky, trapped, horrified, afraid, scared, terrified, threatened, infuriated, furious, exhausted

This list contains more advanced feelings as well as the other two levels above. Use the list as an indicator of which of these words best describes your feeling today or in this moment? If you don’t understand the feelings get a dictionary to help you. Have fun with your feelings. Once you have mastered these feelings below you will be well on your way. Well done!!!

Pleasant Feelings

OPEN

HAPPY

ALIVE

GOOD

understanding

great

playful

calm

confident

gay

courageous

peaceful

reliable

joyous

energetic

at ease

easy

lucky

liberated

comfortable

amazed

fortunate

optimistic

pleased

free

delighted

provocative

encouraged

sympathetic

overjoyed

impulsive

clever

interested

gleeful

free

surprised

satisfied

thankful

frisky

content

receptive

important

animated

quiet

accepting

festive

spirited

certain

kind

ecstatic

thrilled

relaxed

 

satisfied

wonderful

serene

 

glad

 

free and easy

 

cheerful

 

bright

 

sunny

 

blessed

 

merry

 

reassured

 

elated

 

 

 

jubilant

 

 

 

LOVE

INTERESTED

POSITIVE

STRONG

loving

concerned

eager

impulsive

considerate

affected

keen

free

affectionate

fascinated

earnest

sure

sensitive

intrigued

intent

certain

tender

absorbed

anxious

rebellious

devoted

inquisitive

inspired

unique

attracted

nosy

determined

dynamic

passionate

snoopy

excited

tenacious

admiration

engrossed

enthusiastic

hardy

warm

curious

bold

secure

touched

 

brave

 

sympathy

 

daring

 

close

 

challenged

 

loved

 

optimistic

 

comforted

 

re-enforced

 

drawn toward

 

confident

 

 

 

hopeful

 

 

Difficult/Unpleasant Feelings

ANGRY

DEPRESSED

CONFUSED

HELPLESS

irritated

lousy

upset

incapable

enraged

disappointed

doubtful

alone

hostile

discouraged

uncertain

paralyzed

insulting

ashamed

indecisive

fatigued

sore

powerless

perplexed

useless

annoyed

diminished

embarrassed

inferior

upset

guilty

hesitant

vulnerable

hateful

dissatisfied

shy

empty

unpleasant

miserable

stupefied

forced

offensive

detestable

disillusioned

hesitant

bitter

repugnant

unbelieving

despair

aggressive

despicable

skeptical

frustrated

resentful

disgusting

distrustful

distressed

inflamed

abominable

misgiving

woeful

provoked

terrible

lost

pathetic

incensed

in despair

unsure

tragic

infuriated

sulky

uneasy

in a stew

cross

bad

pessimistic

dominated

worked up

a sense of loss

tense

 

boiling

 

 

 

fuming

 

 

 

indignant

 

 

 

 

INDIFFERENT

AFRAID

HURT

SAD

insensitive

fearful

crushed

tearful

dull

terrified

tormented

sorrowful

nonchalant

suspicious

deprived

pained

neutral

anxious

pained

grief

reserved

alarmed

tortured

anguish

weary

panic

dejected

desolate

bored

nervous

rejected

desperate

preoccupied

scared

injured

pessimistic

cold

worried

offended

unhappy

disinterested

frightened

afflicted

lonely

lifeless

timid

aching

grieved

 

shaky

victimized

mournful

 

restless

heartbroken

dismayed

 

doubtful

agonized

 

 

threatened

appalled

 

 

cowardly

humiliated

 

 

quaking

wronged

 

 

menaced

alienated

 

 

wary

 

 

AND NOW THAT YOU REALLY HAVE THE HANG OF WORKINGH WITH YOUR FEELINGS, HERE IS A GOOD LIST TO WORK UP ON AND REALLY GET THEM POLISHED !!!!

aback absurd accredited admired affray ailed ambiguous animosity appealing articulate
abandoned abstracted accurate admiring affrayed aimless ambitious annihilated appeased artificial
abashed aboulic accusatory admonished affronted airy ambivalent annoyed applauded artistic
abducted abused accused adorable aflutter alarmed ambushed annoying appraised artless
aberrant abusive accusing adored afraid alert amenable anonymous appreciated ascetic
aberration abysmal acerbic adoring against alien amiable antagonistic appreciative ashamed
abhorred abyssal aching adorned agape alienated amorous antagonized apprehension asinine
abject accelerated acknowledged adrift aggravated alive amused anticipation apprehensive asleep
ablaze acceptable acquiescent adroit aggressive allied amusing antiquated approachable asocial
able accepted acquisitive adult aggrieved allowed analyzed antisocial appropriate asphyxiated
abnormal accepting acrimonious adulterated aghast allowing anarchistic antsy approved assaulted
abominable accessible activated advanced agitated allured anchored anxiety approved of assertive
about accident-prone active adventurous aglow alluring anaemic anxious aquiver assessed
above average acclaimed actualized adverse agnostic alone anesthetized apart archaic assuaged
abrasive acclimated accurate affable agog aloof angry apathetic ardent assured
absent-minded accommodated adamant affected agonized almighty angst apathy argued with astonished
absolved accommodating addicted affection agony alright angsty apologetic argumentative astounded
absorbed accomplished adept affectionate agoraphobic altruistic anguish apoplectic aristocratic astute
absorbent accosted adequate affirmed agreeable amateur anguished apologized to aroused asymmetrical
abstemious accosting admirable afflicted ahead amazed an hedonic appalled arrogant at a loss
abstract  accountable  admiration  affluent  ail  amazing  animated  appealed  artful  at ease 
at home automatic   barren beggarly beset blacklisted blocked bogus brainwashed
at peace available babied base begged besieged blackmailed bloody boiling brainy
at peril avaricious babyish bashful beguiled besmirched blah bloody-minded boisterous brash
at rest avenged backward battered behind besotted blame free bloomed bold bratty
at risk average bad battle-weary beholden bestial blamed blooming bombarded brave
at war avid bad-tempered battle-worn beleaguered betrayed blameless blossomed bombastic brazen
atrocious avoided badgered bawled out belittled better blaming blossoming bonkers breathless
atrophied awake baffled bearable bellicose bewildered bland blown apart bored breathtaken
attached awakened baited bearish belligerent bewitched blank blown arond boring breathtaking
attacked aware balanced beastly belonging bewitching blanketed blown away bossed-around breezy
attentive awe ballistic beat below average biased blasé‚ blown to bits bossy bridled
attracted awed bamboozled beaten beloved big blasphemous blown to pieces bothered bright
attractive awesome banal beaten down bemused bilious blasted blown up bothersome bright eyed
atypical awestruck banished beatific benevolent bitched at bleak bludgeoned bought bright eyed and bushy tailed
audacious awful bankrupt beautiful benign bitchin' bled blue bouncy brilliant
austere awkward banned beckoned bent bitchy bleeding blur bound brisk
authentic awry bantered bedazzled berated biting blighted blurred bound-up bristling
authoritarian   bare bedeviled bereaved bitter blind blurry boxed-in broken
authoritative   barracked bedraggled bereft bizzare bliss boastful bowled over broken-hearted
autocratic B barraged befriended beseeched black blissful bodacious braced broken-down
automated  =========  barred  befuddled  beserk  blackened  blithe  boggled  brainwashable  broken-up 
  buried calmed down carried away changed chic clean cocky communicative compressed
brooding burned cannibalized cast changing chicken cleansed codependent comparative compromised
broody burned-out canny cast about chaotic chided clear coddled compared compromising
browbeaten burned-up cantankerous cast out charged childish clear-headed coerced copasetic compulsive
bruised bursting capable castigated charismatic childless clenched cold compassionate compunction
brushed-off bushed capitulated catapulted charitable childlike clever cold-blooded compatible conceited
busted bushwhacked capitulating catatonic charmed chilled clingy cold-hearted coped with concentrated
brutal busy capitulation categorized charming chipper cloistered collapsed compelled concerned
brutalized buzzed capricious catty chased chivalrous close collapsing competent condemned
bubbly bypassed captious caught chaste choked closed collected competitive condescended to
bucky * see note below   captivated cautious chastised choked-up closed in colonized copied condescending
bugged   captivating cavalier chatty chosen closed-minded colorful coping confident
buggered C captive censored cheap chucked out clouded comatose complacent confined
bullied ========= captured censured cheapened chuffed cloudy combative complete confirmed
bullish   cared about centered cheated churlish clowned (made a fool of) comfortable complex confirming
bullshitted caged cared for certain cheated on circumspect clued in comforted compliant conflicted
bullshitted to cajoled carefree chafed cheeky circumvented clueless comfy complicated conforming
bummed calculating careful chagrined cheerful civil clumsy commanded complementary confounded
bummed out callous careless chained cheerless civilized clung to commanding complimented confronted
buoyant callow careworn challenged cheery classy coarse committed complimentary confronting
burdened calm  caring  challenging  cherished  claustrophobic  coaxed  common composed  confrontive 
burdensome              commonplace     
confused consulted convinced cowardly criticized cultivated damned deceptive dehumanized denatured
congenial consumed convincing coy cross cultured dangerous decided dejected denigrated
connected contagious cool cozy crossed cumbersome dared decimated delayed denounced
conned contained cooperative crabby cross- cunning daring decrepit deleted dense
conniving contaminated copasetic crafty examined cupidity dark dedicated deleterious denurtured
conquered contemplative coping cramped crotchety curious dashed defamed delicate dependable
conscientious contempt cordial cranky crowded curmudgeonly dashing deafened delighted depended upon
conscious contemptible cornered crap crucified cursed daunted defeated delightful dependent
consecrated contemptuous corralled crappy cruddy cut dauntless defective delinquent depleted
conservative content correct crass crude cut-down dazed defenseless delirious deported
considerate contented corrosive craving cruel cute dead defensive delivered depraved
considered contentious corrupt crazed crummy cut-off dear deferent deluded deprecated
consistent contrary corrupted crazy crumpled cynical debased defiant demanding depreciated
consoled contradictory counterfeit creeped out crushed   debated deficient demeaned depressed
consoling contributing counter- creepy cryptic   debauched defiled demented deprived
conspicuous contrite productive creative cuckolded D debilitated definite demolished derailed
conspiratorial controlled courageous credulous cuckoo ======== decadent deflated demonized derided
conspired against controlling courteous crestfallen cuddled   debonair deformed demoralized derisive
constrained convenient courtly criminal cuddly daffy deceitful degenerate demoted desecrated
constricted conventional coveted crippled culled dainty deceived degradation demotivated deserted
constructive  convicted  covetous  critical  culpable  damaged  decent  degraded  demure  deserving 
desiccated detestable dim discomfit disfavored dislocated disputed divided doubtful driven
desirable detested dimensionless discombobulated disgraced dislodged disquieted divorced dowdy droopy
desire detoxified diminished disconcerted disgruntled disloyal disregarded docile down dropped
desired devalued diminutive disconnected disguised dismal disrespected dogged down and out drowning
desirous devastated diplomatic disconsolate disgust dismayed disruptive dogmatic down in the dumps drubbed
desolate deviant dire discontent disgusted dismissed dissatisfied doleful downcast drummed
despair devious direct discontented disgusting dismissive dissected domestic downhearted drunk
despairing devoid directionless discounted disharmonious disobedient dissed domesticated downtrodden dry
desperate devoid of... dirty discouraged disheartened disobeyed dissident dominant drained dubious
despicable devoted disabled discredited disheveled disorderly dissipated dominated dramatic dull
despised devoured disaffected discriminated dishonest disorganized dissociated dominating drastic dulled
despondent devout disagreeable discriminating dishonorable disoriented distant domineered drawn away dumb
destitute diagnosed disappointed discreet dishonored disowned distorted domineering drawn back dumbfounded
destroyed dictated to disappointing disdain disillusioned disparaged distracted done drawn in dumped
destructive dictatorial disapproved of disdained disinclined dispassionate distraught doomed drawn toward dumped on
desultory different disapproving disdainful disingenuous dispensable distressed dooped dread duped
detached difficult disbelieved disembodied disintegritous * dispirited distrusted dorky dreaded dutiful
detained diffident disbelieving disempowered disinterested displaced distrustful doted on dreadful dwarfed
deteriorated diffused discardable disenchanted disjointed displeased disturbed doting dreamy dynamic
determined dignified discarded disenfranchised dislike disposable disused double-crossed dreary dysfunctional
detest  diligent  disciplined  disentangled  disliked  dispossessed  diverted  doubted  dried-up  dysphoric 
  educated elusive enchanted enmeshed envied evasive exhausted extroverted FALSE
  effaced emancipated enclosed ennobled envious evicted exhilarated exuberant falsely
E effective emasculated encompassed ennui equal evil exiled exultant falsely accused
======== effeminate embarrassed encouraged enraged equality eviscerated exigent   faltering
  effervescent embittered encroached upon enraptured equanimous exacerbated exonerated   famished
eager effete emerged encumbered enriched equipped exacerbating exorcised F famous
early efficacious eminent endangered enslaved equitable examined exotic ======== fanatical
earnest efficient emotional endowed entangled eradicated exasperated expansive   fanciful
earthy effusive emotionless endured enterprising erasable exasperating expectant fabulous fantabulous
eased egocentric emotionally bankrupt enduring entertained erased exaxperation experienced facetious fantasizing
easy egotistic emotionally bloated energetic enthralled eros excellent experimental factious fantastic
easy-going egotistical emotionally constipated energized enthusiastic escalated excessive exploitative failful * farcical
ebullient elastic emotive enervated enticed essential excitable exploited faint fascinated
eccentric elated empathetic engaged enticing established excited explosive fainthearted fascinating
eclectic elavated empathic engrossed entitled esteemed excluded exposed fair fascination
eclipsed elderly emphatic engulfed entombed estranged excoriated expressive faith fashed
economical electric empowered enhanced entranced ethereal exculpated expunged faithful fashionable
ecstatic electrified empty enigmatic entrapped etiolated execrated extraordinary fake fast
edgy elegant empty of (feeling word) enjoyment entrenched euphoric excused extravagant fallen fastidious
edified elevated enabled enlightened entrepreneurial evaded exempt extreme fallible fatalistic
edifying  eloquent  enamored  enlivened  entrusted  evaluated  exempted  extricated  fallow  fathered 
fatherless fervent flagellated flummoxed forgetful frail friendly funny genial gnawing
fatigued fervor flaky floundering forgettable framed frightened furious gentle goaded
fatuous festive flamboyant flourishing foggy frank frigid fury genuine gobsmacked
favored fettered flammable flush forgivable frantic frisky fussy ghastly gobstruck
fawned fickle flappable flustered forgiven fraternal frivolous futile giddy goobered
fawned over fidgety flat fluttering forgiving fraternal loyalty frolicsome   gifted good
fawning fiendish flattered focused forgetful fraudulent frowning   giggly good-looking
fazed fierce flawed fogged in forgotten frazzled frugal G gilded good-natured
fear fiery fledgling foggy forlorn freaked fruitful ======= giving goofy
feared filthy fleeced foiled formed freaked out frustrated   glad gorgeous
fearful fine flexible followed formidable freakish frustration gagged glamorized gory
fearless finicky flighty fond forsaken freaky fulfilled gallant glamorous gothic
feckless finished flimflammed foolhardy fortified free full galled glee graceful
fed up fired flimsy foolish fortunate frenetic full of (feeling word) galvanized gleeful gracious
feeble firm flip forbearance forward frenzied full of life game glib graded
feeling first flippant forbearing foul fresh full on garbled gloomy grand
feisty first-class flipped-out forbidden fouled fret-filled fuming gauche glorious grandiose
felicitous first-rate flirtatious forced fouled-up fretful fun gaudy glowing granted
feminine fit flogged forceful fractured fretting functional gawky glum grateful
fermenting fixated floored foreign fragile fried, fried out funky gay gluttonous gratified
ferocious  flabbergasted  fluid  fore-sighted  fragmented  friendless  funloving  generous  goose bumpy  grave 
great guided handicapped hateful heckled honored humble hypocritical illuminated imperious
greedy guilt-free hapless hatred heeded hoodwinked humbled hysterical imaginative impermanent
gregarious guilt-tripped happy hazy held dear hopeful humiliated   imbalanced impermeable
grey guiltless happy-go-lucky haughty helped hopeless humiliation   immaculate impertinent
grief guilty harangued haunted helpful hormonal humility I immature imperturbable
grief-stricken gullible harassed hazy helpless horny humored ======= immobile impervious
grieved gushy hard headstrong henpecked horrendous humorous   immobilized impetuous
grieving gutless hardened heady herded horrible hung up idealistic immodest impious
grim gutsy hard-headed healed heroic horrific hung over idiosyncratic immoral impish
groovy gutted hard-hearted health-conscious hesitant horrified hungry idiotic immortal implacable
gross gypped hard-pressed healthy hideous horror hunky dory idle immune impolite
grossed-out   hard-working heard high horror-stricken hunted idolized impaired important
grotesque   hardy heartbroken high-spirited hospitable hurried ignoble impartial importunate
grouchy H harmless heartened hilarious hostile hurt ignominious impassioned imposed-upon
grounded ======= harmonious heartful hindered hot hustled ignorant impassive imposing
groveling   harnessed heartless hoaxed hot to trot hyped-up ignored impatient impotent
grown haggard harried heartsick hollow hot-headed hyper ill impeccable impractical
grown up haggled hassled heart-to-heart homely hot-tempered hyperactive ill at ease impeded impressed
grumpy hallowed hasty hearty homesick hounded hypervigilent ill-humored impelled imprisoned
guarded hammered hate heavy honest huge hyphe, hyphee, hyphy ill-tempered imperfect impudent
gubered (goobered)  hampered  hated  heavy-hearted  honorable  humane  hypnotized  illicit  imperiled  impugned 
impulsive inattentive inculcated inept ingenious insightful interfered with inventive   jostled
impure incapable indebted inert ingenuous insignificant interfering invigorated   jovial
in a huff incapacitated indecent inequality ingratiated insincere interrelated invisible J joyful
in a quandary incensed indecisive inexplicable ingratiating insistent interrogated invited ======= joyless
in a stew incoherent indefinite infallible inhibited insolent interrupted inviting   joyous
in alignment incommunicative independent infamous inhospitable insouciant intimate involved jaded jubilant
in control incompetent indescribable infantile inhumane inspired intimidated invulnerable jangled judged
in despair incomplete indestructible infantilized inimical instilled intimidating irascible jaundiced judgmental
in doubt inconceivable indicted infatuated injured instructive inoculated irate jaunty judicious
in fear inconclusive indifferent infected injusticed insufficient intolerant irked jazzed juggled
in harmony incongruent indignant inferior innocent insulted intoxicated irrational jealous juiced
in pain inconsiderate indirect infirm innovative insulting intrepid irreligious jealousy juiced up
in the dumps inconsistent indiscreet inflamed inoculated insurgent intrigued irreproachable jeered jumbled
in the way inconsolable indoctrinated inflammatory inquiring intact introspective irresistible jeopardized jumpy
in touch inconspicuous indolent inflated inquisitive integritous * introverted irresolute jerked around junk
in tune inconvenienced indulgent inflexible insane intellectual intruded upon irresponsible jilted junked
inaccessible inconvenient industrious influenced insatiable intelligent intrusive irreverent jinxed junky
inactive incorrect inebriated influential inscrutable intense inundated irritable jittery just
inadequate incorrigible ineffective informed insecure intent intuitive irritated jocular justiced
inane incredible ineffectual infuriated insensitive interested invalidated isolated jolly justified 
inappropriate  incredulous  inefficient  infused  inside-out  interesting  invalidating  itchy  jolted   
  knocked down lamentful * lethargic litigious lovely   mangled mechanical methodical
K knocked out lamenting level-headed lively loving macho maniacal medicated meticulous
======= knotted lampooned lewd livid lovestruck mad manic mediocre micro-managed
  knotted up languid liable loath low made fun of manipulable meditative miffed
keen knowing languishing liberal loathed low-spirited magical manipulated medmanic mighty
kept knowledgeable lascivious liberated loathsome lowly magnificent manipulative meek militant
kept at bay known late licentious logical lowness maimed manly megalomaniacal mindful
kept away kooky laughable lied about lonely loyal maladjusted marauding melancholic minimized
kept out   laughed at lied to lonesome lubricious malaise marginalized melancholy miraculous
kicked   lavished lifeless longing luckless maligned married melded mirthful
kicked around labeled lax lifelike loopy lucky malcontent marshalled around mellow misanthropic
kicked back labile lazy lifted loose ludicrous malleable marvelous melodramatic mischievous
kidded lacivious led astray light loosed luminous malevolent masochistic menaced misdiagnosed
kind lackadaisical leaned on light-hearted lorded over lured malicious masterful menacing miserable
kindhearted lacking leaning likable lost luring malignant materialistic merciful miserly
kindly lackluster lecherous liked loud lurking maligned maternal merry misgiving
kingly laconic lectured to limited lousy lust malnourished mature mesmerized misguided
kinky lagging behind leery limp lovable lustful man handled maudlin messed around misinformed
knackered laid-back left out lionhearted love lusty manageable meager messed with misinterpreted
knightly lambasted legitimate listened to loved lynched  managed mean messed up misled
knocked  lame  let down  listless  loveless    managerial  meanness  messy  misrepresented 
missed monopolized muddled nannied neutral noticed oblivious old-fashioned ostentatious outspoken
missed out monstrous muffled narcissistic nice nourished obnoxious omnipotent ostracized over
missing moody multi-directional narrow-minded nifty nourishing obscene on ousted over-controlled
missing out mopey mummified nasty niggardly nudged obscured on call out of balance over-depended upon
mistaken moping mushy natural niggled null Obsequious on display out of control over-done
mistreated moral musical naughty nihilistic nullified observant on time out of it over-protected
mistrusted moralistic mutinied nauseated nit-picked numb observed one-upped out of place over-ruled
mistrustful morbid mutinous neat nit-picking numbed obsessed open out of sorts over-simplified
misunderstood mordant muzzled necessary nit-picky nursed obsessive open-minded out of style overanxious
misused moribund mysterious needed noble nurturing obstinate opinionated out of touch overbearing
mixed-up moronic mystical needled noisy nuts obstructed opportunistic out of tune overcome
mobilized morose mystified needy nomadic nutty obvious opposed outdated overdrawn
mocked mortified   negated nonchalant   odd opposition outdone overestimated
mocking mothered   negative noncommittal   off oppositional outgoing overjoyed
modern mothering nagged neglected nonconforming obedient off the hook oppressed outlandish overloaded
modest motherless nailed negligent nonexistent obeyed offended optimistic outnumbered overlooked
molded motherly naive nervous nonplused objectified offensive opulent outpowered overpowered
molested motivated naked nervy normal obligated officious orderly outraged oversensitive
mollified mournful namby pamby nestled nosey obliged ogre-ish organized outrageous overwhelmed
mollycoddled mouthy namby pampered nettled nostalgic obliging okay ornery outranked overworked
monitored  moved  nameless  neurotic  nothing  obliterated  old  orphaned  outreasoned  overwrought 
overszealous paranoid pedestalized * persevering phlegmatic plain poor prepared probationed prosperous
owed parasitic pedestrian persistent phony planless popular preppy probed prostituted
owing pardoned peeved persnickety picked apart played with porous pressed prodigal protected
owned parsimonious peevish perspicuous picked on playful portentous pressured prodigious protective
ownership partial pell-mell persuaded pierced pleading positive presumptuous productive proud
owning passed by penetrable persuasive pigeon-holed pleasant possessed pretentious profane provincial
  passed off penetrated pert pillaged pleased possessionless pretty professional provisional
  passed over pensive pertinacious pillaging pleasure possessive preyed upon progressing provocative
pacified passed up peppy pertinent pious pliable potent pride progressive provoked
paid off passionate perceived perturbed pissed pliant pouty prim progress-minded prudish
pain passive perceptive perverted pissed off plumbed powerful primal promiscuous psyched
pained pastoral peremptory pervious pissy plundered powerless primary promised psychopathic
painful paternal perfect pessimistic piteous plundering practical primitive promoted psychotic
paired pathetic perfectionistic pestered pitied plunging praised prissy promotional puerile
paired-off patient perilous petered out pitiful plush pragmatic pristine prone to puffed up
paired-up patronized peripheral petrified pitiless poised preached to private propagandistic pulled
pampered peaceful perky petrinoid pity poisoned precarious privileged propagandized pulled ahead
panic peachy permanent petty pixelated polite precious privy propelled pulled apart
panicked peckish permeable petulant placated polluted precluded prized proper pulled away
panicky peculiar perplexed phat placid pompous precocious proactive prosaic pulled back
paralyzed  pedantic  persecuted  philanthropic  plagued  pooped  preoccupied  probationary  prosecuted  pulled down 
pulled forward pushed forward queasy raging ravishing reclusive rejected renown resisting revealed
pulled in pushed in queer raided raw recognized rejecting repelled resolute revengeful
pulverized pushy queried railroaded re-energized reconciled rejoiced repentant resolved revered
pummeled pusillanimous querulous raked reachable recovered rejoicing replaceable resourceful reverent
pumped put away questioned raked-over reactionary recruited rejuvenated replaced respected reviled
pumped up put down questioning rambunctious reactive redeemed relaxed replenished respectful revitalized
punctual put out quick ransacked ready red-hot released reprehensible responsible revisited
punch drunk put upon quiescent rancid real re-energized reliable repressed responsive revived
punched put down quiet rapacious realistic re-enforced reliant reprimanded rested revolted
punished puzzled quietened raped reamed reduced relieved reproached restful revolting
puny psychedelic quirky rapt reamed out refactory religious reproved restive revolutionary
pure   quivery rapture reasonable refined reluctant repugnant restless rewarded
purged   quixotic rapturous reassured reflective remedied repulsed restrained rich
purlish quaint quizzed rare rebellious refreshed reminiscent repulsive restricted ridden
purposeful quaking quizzical rash reborn refueled remiss rescued retaliated ridiculed
pursuant qualified   rated rebounding regimented remorse resented retaliated against ridiculous
pursued qualmish   rational rebuffed regressing remorseful resentful retaliatory riding high
pushed quandary rad rattled rebuked regressive remorseless reserved retarded right
pushed ahead quarantined radiant raunchy recalcitrant regret remote resigned reticent righteous
pushed away quarrelsome radical ravenous receptive regretful removed resilient retired rigid
pushed back  quashed  rage  ravished  reckless  rejectable  renewed  resistant  reunited  rigorous 
riled ruthless sardonic scolded seduced self-forgiving sensual shattered silent slap happy
riveted   sassy scorn seductive self-hate sensuous sheepish silly sledged
robbed   sated scorned seething self-hating sentenced sheltered simple slighted
robot like sabotaged satiated scornful seized self-hatred sentimental shielded simplified sloppy
robotic sacrificed satisfied screwed selected self-indulgent separated shocked sincere sloshed
robust sacrificial saucy screwed over selective self-loathing serene shook-up sinful slothful
romantic sacrilegious saved screwed up self-absorbed self-love serendipitous shortchanged single slovenly
rotten sad savvy scrutinized self-acceptance self-pitying serious shot-down singled-out slow
rough sadistic scandalized sealed out self-acceptant self-pleasing servile shouted at sinking slugged
rowdy safe scandalous sealed in self-agrandizing self-rejection set shredded skanky sluggish
rubbery sagacious scapegoated sealed off self-assured self-reliant set up shrewd skeptical slutty
rubricized sage scared sealed out self-centered self-righteous settled shrunk, shrunken skilled small
rude salacious scarred sealed up self-confident self-sacrificing sexy shunned skillful smarmy
rueful sanctified scathed seared self-conscious self-serving shadowed shut out skipped smart
ruffled santifying scattered second self-deprecating self-understanding shaken shy skittish smart-alecky
ruined sanctimonious scheming secondary self-depreciating selfish shaky sick slack smart assy
ruled sanctioned scientific second-class self-destructive selfless shallow sick at heart slain smacked
run down sane scintillated second-guessed self-disciplined senile shamed sickened slandered smacked down
run out sanguine scintillating second-rate self-effacing sensational shameful side-lined slaughtered smashed
run over sapient scurrilous secure self-expressed sensible shaped significant sleazy smitten
rushed  sarcastic  scoffed at  sedate  self-flagellating  sensitive  sharp  silenced  sleepy  smooth 
smothered solemn speechless stalked stolid struck down subversive suppressed systematic soft-hearted
smudged solid spellbound startled stomped on stubborn successful sure sold-out  Spartan
smug solitary spent starved stoned stuck sucked up to surly special  stable
snapped at sombre spineless static stonewalled stuck-up suckered surpassed stale  stirred
snaky soothed spirited steamed-up stout studious suffering surprised stoic  strong-armed
snarled at sophisticated spiritless stepped-on stout hearted stuffed suffocated surreal struck  subordinated
sneaky sophomoric spiteful stepped-over straight-laced stumped suicidal surrendered subtle  superstitious
snobbish sordid splendid stereotyped strained stunned sulky surveyed supportive  symmetrical
snobby sore splendiferous sterile stranded stunning sullen susceptible sympathy  soft
snoopy sorrow spoiled stern strange stunted sullied suspended sold sparkling
snowed sorrowful spontaneous stewing strangled stupefied sunk suspending spastic squelched
snubbed sorry spooked stiff strengthened stupid sunny suspicious stained stingy
snuggled sough spunky stifled stressed stylish super swamped stodgy strong
soaring sound squandered stigmatized stretched suave superb sweet strong-willed subordinate
sociable sour squashed still stricken subdued supercilious swell subservient superseded
social soured squeamish stilted strict subjugated superficial swindled supported sycophantic
sodden spared squeezed stimulated stroked submissive superior switched on sympathetic sore

 

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